


HATE

by svnwooxx



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Barebacking, Delusions, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Eric is DELUSIONAL, Hate Sex, M/M, Porn with Feelings, Spit As Lube, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, do not use spit as lube, of course it's angst, use lube as lube
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 09:53:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29487834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/svnwooxx/pseuds/svnwooxx
Summary: “Eric…”, Sunwoo pauses, a glazed expression on his face as he looks at their fingers laced together.He watches as the boy’s pretty hands quiver in between his own, before humming out the rest of the sentence. His tone is now surprisingly calm, quite gentle. “Listen to me now. There is no us. There’sneverbeen us.”
Relationships: Kim Sunwoo/Son Youngjae | Eric
Comments: 14
Kudos: 23





	HATE

**Author's Note:**

  * For [monbae](https://archiveofourown.org/users/monbae/gifts).



“Don't.”

Eric's disheartened but firm voice somehow manages to reach Sunwoo over the blaring ringing in his ears, his fingers involuntarily clenched on the doorknob. The bed creaks as Eric lifts himself up with a tired groan, forewarning Sunwoo of the other boy's overwhelming proximity.

He traces the path of the approaching skittish steps in his head; Eric's bed is not too far from the door Sunwoo's been staring at for the last minute, physically unable to move. His jaw tenses, as a gentle hand inevitably lands on his trembling shoulder.

“You're done running away from this.”

Sunwoo can hear himself breathe heavily as he tries to backtrack the series of events preceding the circumstances that led to the unbearable situation he has found himself caught into. His tangled mind is unable to locate the precise moment Eric had decided to stupidly throw years of friendship out of the window in the span of a few seconds by stupidly declaring he was  _ in love _ with him. Sunwoo almost feels physically cornered.

“From us. I love you, Sunwoo, and I know you love me too.”

Sunwoo bites the inside of his cheeks and swallows Eric’s heavy words alongside his blood. Eric’s gentle whispers keep echoing in his head and he feels close to throwing up. Dread and panic mix inside his stomach, generating an eruptive feeling of anger that rapidly fills his whole being. Something in his brain abruptly switches as he turns around to finally meet Eric’s eyes.

The boy looks hurt by Sunwoo’s mere existence. He tilts his head to the left and the genuine confusion scattered all over his guiltless expression drives Sunwoo mad. Is he expecting for Sunwoo to turn around and throw himself into his arms to tell him he too was in love with him in between broken sobs? He clearly is, judging by the way his lips are slightly parted in surprised shock as the realisation that _no,_ it’s not going to happen, hits him hard. His eyes go wide and glossy as he brings his neglected hand to his chest in a dramatic gesture and palms it down with the other, slender fingers spreading over his heart so as to make sure the organ is still pumping. 

“Please, stop. You _know_ I don’t. Not like that.”

The sight of his best friend fracturing in front of his eyes gives the black-haired boy an instantaneous sense of relief. Good, he thinks to himself, as his breathing goes back to a normal pace. Eric had no fucking right to just wake up one day and decide to ruin everything for them both. For Sunwoo. Sunwoo doesn’t like suffering, and right now he feels the need to scream. Sunwoo doesn’t know how many hours have passed since Eric first said those words since that morning but he knows he’s had enough, and that they’re not going to stop being forcefully tossed at him anytime soon. Not when Eric seems to believe he can make Sunwoo see the light. 

“It’s okay if you’re scared”, Eric tries again, his lips curving into a delusional smile. “You just need to say it out loud.”

For the first time in almost four years of friendship, Sunwoo  _ is _ scared. But not to say that he loves him, because he knows he doesn't. Not like that, at least. He never has, and he never thought one day he was going to have to voice it out loud. What’s scaring the hell out of him is the mix of determination and misconception on Eric’s face, as he looks at him with expectation and desire. Sunwoo wants to bang his own head against the wall.

"You just need to--"

Sunwoo doesn’t let him finish. He’s sick to his stomach and he just needs Eric to stop with whatever insanity has gotten into him. He reluctantly gets ahold of Eric’s slim wrists, hands still clenching at the fabric of the black hoodie he was wearing as if his life depended on it, and abruptly pulls them down. The boy cries out, a pained expression on his face. Sunwoo determines by the way Eric seems to be enjoying the discomfort of his grip a little bit too much that it’s got to be now or never. A feeling of betrayal adds to the explosive anger flaring in his stomach, generating burning acid which cruelly brushes his insides and makes Sunwoo want to scream for help.

Eric has betrayed them both by selfishly pouring his naïve heart out to him without any warning, to _ him _ out of everyone, and Sunwoo is not willing to get hurt by his ingenuity. He mindlessly brushes the soft skin of Eric’s palms with his thumbs as a grin mechanically forms on his face.

“Eric…”, he pauses, a glazed expression on his face as he looks at their fingers laced together. He watches as the boy’s pretty hands quiver in between his own, before humming out the rest of the sentence. His tone is now surprisingly calm, quite gentle. “Listen to me now. There is no us _. _ There’s  _ never _ been us.”

___

_ Eric couldn’t sleep. Not when his sleep kept getting disrupted by his best friends’ constant giggling coming from the other side of the pitch-dark room. Not when the bright light of his phone was illuminating his face, making it impossible for the boy to stop staring at his gracious features. Sunwoo was pretty. He had always been the prettiest one between the two. Lake-shaped big brown eyes and pink plump lips, bronze skin and dark wavy hair pleasingly framing his soft features. Eric lifted himself up on his elbow, his head now comfortably resting on his palm, a stupid smile now glued to his face. _

_ “The fuck you staring at?” _

_ Sunwoo’s sleepy voice almost made him jump on the spot. He rapidly shifted position, making the bed annoyingly creak in the process, and buried his flushed cheeks into the cold side of his pillow. Not that Sunwoo could see him, anyway, but just in case. _

_ “I can’t sleep”, he muttered, voice muffled by the soft fabric of the pillow. “You’re too loud.” _

_ Eric wasn’t able to see Sunwoo’s face anymore, but as he directed his full attention to the sounds coming from the other boy’s bed, just a few meters away from his own, he could clearly picture him shifting to his side, the corners of his lips lifting in a playful smile and his eyes probably searching him. A glaring light swiftly startled him as Sunwoo pointed his phone torch directly at his figure. He lifted himself up with a sigh, his delicate hands quickly rushing to protect his eyes from the source of blinding light. _

_ “Now what the fuck are YOU doing?” _

_ His eyes adjusted to the brightness, he even got to grasp a glimpse of Sunwoo’s sleepy face, just as the other boy switched his phone off with no warning and a throaty yawn. Eric tried to adjust to the dark as he frantically searched for Sunwoo’s body, small white blinding orbs dancing teasingly in his eyes and disrupting his vision. A tapping noise on Sunwoo’s mattress made him jump on his bed, breath held in anticipation of what Eric knew was about to happen.  _

_ “Apologising for keeping you up, idiot. Come sleep with me. We have class tomorrow.” _

_ Eric released his breath with a soft whimper not even Sunwoo could hear, a warm fuzzy feeling instantaneously filling his whole body. He involuntarily clenched his thighs together at the mere thought of Sunwoo’s body pressed against his own, limbs tangled together and soft breaths on his hot skin. Eric mentally slapped himself, before finally jumping off his bed and running towards Sunwoo’s. _

_ Eric felt stupid in his bunny-patterned pyjamas as Sunwoo lifted his bedsheets to let him slip next to him, revealing the only piece of clothing he was wearing was a pair of black sweatpants. Eric bit his tongue once again, scared his mouth would betray him if he didn’t, and he cautiously propped a knee on Sunwoo’s mattress trying to breathe as little as possible. Sunwoo was seemingly impatient. He grabbed at Eric’s tiny waist without a warning and the boy found himself pinned down to the bed, a very audible gasp stupidly leaving his mouth this time. Sunwoo’s face was way too close, as he searched Eric’s eyes with a puzzled expression on his tired face. Eric’s heart was beating way too fast, and not because of the little play fight they just had. If Sunwoo noticed he decided not to say anything.  _

_ ”Have you been sleeping at all lately?”  _

_ Sunwoo asked, not bothering to wait for an answer. He circled Eric’s shoulders with his arm instead, pulling the boy’s body almost on top of him, his other hand going to rest on his stomach. He yawned once again, making himself comfortable before closing his eyes. Eric, eyes wide open and staring at the ceiling didn’t answer, busy trying not to moan at the feeling of Sunwoo’s bare chest pressed against his own. He could feel the warmth coming from his best friend’s body burning holes in the fabric of his stupid pyjamas. Eric had to stop himself from clenching his thighs together again. He cautiously wrapped his own arm around Sunwoo’s waist, drawing imaginary pictures on his hot burning skin as he finally closed his eyes, focusing on Sunwoo’s breathing.  _

_ “I guess… someone’s been keeping me up.” _

_ He muttered the words against Sunwoo’s soft hair and waited for an answer that never came until he eventually fell asleep too.  _

_\---_

Sunwoo can undoubtedly tell by Eric's jarred reaction that the boy is starting to disintegrate in front of his relieved eyes. His best friend looks like he just got slapped hard in the face, despite the fact that Sunwoo’s hands are still distinctly busy caressing his palms, a gesture that heavily clashes with the nervous expression painted on his face. Eric pulls his wrists back in a weak attempt to break free from Sunwoo’s tight grasp, but the black-haired boy hastily pulls him closer, making Eric stumble on his feet. Another agonising moan escapes Eric’s mouth, one that sounds like begging for more, which promptly sends cold chills all over Sunwoo’s body.

“You’re lying, Sunwoo. You know you’re lying.”

Eric is not looking at him as he whispers these words. His tone is sour but his voice is still surprisingly firm despite the visible treble of his chapped bottom lip. He’s looking down at his own slender wrists enveloped by Sunwoo’s hands, where red welts are starting to show themselves off on his pale skin, encouraged by the pressure of the other boy’s clutch. He waits for an answer that doesn’t come promptly, Sunwoo’s tangled thoughts now strikingly blurred as he notices tears prickling at the corners of Eric’s shattered eyes. 

“Let me go.”

Eric speaks again, a nuance of defeat staining the pride in his voice. He tries to free himself again, and Sunwoo knows he should just let him. He would walk away, shut the door behind him with a clamorous slam and disappear from his life just as if the last hour never happened. He asks himself why instead of releasing him, he pulls him closer with yet another single abrupt movement, making Eric lose his balance and land face against Sunwoo’s chest. Sunwoo can’t bring himself to hug him, but he lets Eric grab at the end of his t-shirt in a clear attempt to keep himself from falling on his knees. His arms are hanging uselessly at the sides of his body and he doesn’t know what to do with them. 

He could bring a hand to wrap his fingers around the back of his neck in a mournful gesture, let his heavy forehead smash against Eric’s own and whisper sweet lies in his mouth; tell him everything was going to be okay like he had done so many times in the past. That they can just go back to be what they were and pretend nothing ever happened, that their friendship is not perpetually and utterly fucked. But things  _ are _ fucked now, and one thing Sunwoo is sure about is: it’s not his fault. He stubbornly refuses to try to pull Eric out of the agony that audibly swallowed him. The agony he let swallow them both.

“I’m not letting you go. I need you to take it back.”

Sunwoo hears himself speak in a throaty emotionless tone, traces of his previous delight as he watched Eric suffer thoroughly gone. Tears are soaking the fabric of his white t-shirt now, anguished cries escaping his mouth and clashing against Sunwoo’s motionless body. His mind is inexplicably blurred by how bewitchingly Eric’s soft cheeks are twitching in pain, and he doesn’t know anymore if he wants to grab his face and plant the most distressed kiss on each of them to make him stop crying, or if he wants to smack his face hard with the back of his hand. He feels the unbearable need to  _ physically _ slap some common sense into him. To punish him for the way he stupidly awoke Sunwoo’s urge to hurt him. An urge Sunwoo himself wasn’t aware he had in him. The urge to hurt him before Eric inevitably hurts him  _ again _ . 

“Get comfortable then,” Eric mutters as he picks himself up and wipes away fresh tears alongside old ones and places his hands on Sunwoo’s chest to pull away from him. He sniffles, perturbed eyes piercing straight into Sunwoo’s soul. He makes his way to his bed and lets himself fall down on the mattress, before bringing his knees to his chest and letting his chin rest on them. Sunwoo thinks he looks extremely small and harmless like that, so why does he feel so threatened? His eyes are back to a horrifying glaze of distracted dreaminess. “Because I’m not going to do that.”

Sunwoo lets his fury get the best of him once again, and he’s suddenly able to move again. He throws his arm in the air in an exasperated gesture as a silent frustrated scream dies in the back of his throat. He pushes himself off the wall he was leaning onto and suddenly standing on his own feet without any kind of support makes him feel dizzy and on the verge of throwing up. He manages to stumble across the room until he reaches Eric’s bed and lets himself fall next to him with a guttural sigh. He brings his hands to cover his face, elbows firmly planted on his parted thighs. He can still feel Eric’s demanding stare on him and the urge to hide, the urge to  _ hurt him _ , grows bigger. He has to let out a heavy breath before he’s able to speak again. 

“Have you lost your fucking mind _ ,  _ Eric?” Sunwoo can’t deal with Eric’s guiltless eyes anymore. He can’t bear the thought of Eric blatantly feeling right, almost annoyingly  _ proud _ of how catastrophic the situation looks from Sunwoo’s point of view. He grabs his shoulders and shakes him hard and Eric lets him, his head like the one of an unconscious doll violently rocks back and forth until Sunwoo gives up trying to pull any sort of reaction out of him. Eric's careless attitude in response to Sunwoo’s anger ultimately crushes him. “How can you be so  _ stupid _ ? I’m not what you think you need.”

I’m a jerk, Sunwoo wants to add, and a coward. The thought of Eric wanting him like that is terrifying. Sunwoo doesn’t know anything anymore. All he knows is that he  _ needs _ him to stop, that if he hears those words yet once again he is going to vomit all the anxiety that’s eating him alive. Eric is weak, and his own stupidity he’s gonna end up hurting him. 

He sighs, wishing for Eric to stop having  _ so much fun  _ with his little act. Sunwoo genuinely doesn’t understand if his best friend is fully aware of his current delusional state, if he’s just playing with him, or if he’s lost his mind and he doesn’t even realise it. Sunwoo is seriously worried about his best friend. He brings his hands to cup the boy’s face, but Eric only allows himself to lean into the touch for a handful of seconds, before grabbing his wrist so tight Sunwoo bites back a pained moan. Eric interlaces their fingers in a single fast movement, a domestic gesture they’re both so used to. Or at least they were, because Sunwoo is suddenly feeling like the room is too small, practically suffocating. 

“You know  _ fuck all  _ about what I need.” 

Eric stares at their fingers in awe and Sunwoo feels confused by the way the other boy is now almost reverently caressing one of Sunwoo’s rings. In his fuzzed state of mind, it takes him a split second to realise that the one Eric is focused on is not one of Sunwoo’s many flamboyant rings, but a very specific one hiding between the others. It’s a thin, simple silver ring that embraces his fourth digit like it was made for it. A ring Sunwoo had forgotten about until that very second. The presence of that small piece of metal is so overwhelming Sunwoo just wants to rip it off his finger. And he’s about to do so, but Eric is once again quicker than him. He shoves his own free hand right in his face and Sunwoo shamelessly breathes heavily into his palm as his eyes lie on his best friend’s own ring finger, where the same exact thin silver circlet hugs the slender digit.

\---

_ Eric swore he could feel his whole being heat up. Sunwoo had just come back to their shared apartment, a little too late for Eric’s liking, carrying with him a distinct smell of booze that made Eric scrunch his nose. He had called him a few times but Sunwoo never picked up and Eric thought he had all the rights to be angry. It was Valentine’s day, for fuck’s sake! To leave him alone was just plain cruel. Eric didn’t have a date for that year. Not because no one asked him, but because if it wasn’t Sunwoo then what the hell was the point _

_ Sunwoo didn’t even look at him, too busy clumsily trying to get out of his neon orange bomber jacket and kicking his Doc’s off his feet. Eric knew the grin that was sitting on his best friend’s face way too well. Not only was he drunk, but he had scored. And not once. Eric cleared his throat, his eyes still glued to Sunwoo who was now making his way to his bed. The boy plopped himself on the mattress with a tired but satisfied groan, his pretty features even softer than usual. Sunwoo always looked so relaxed after he had an orgasm, Eric could tell every time he came back home smelling of someone else and making him nauseous, every time he would come back to class after a way too long cigarette break.  _

_ “Sunwoo! Where have you been, I said. I called you.” _

_ Sunwoo finally brought his attention to Eric, who was now pointing at the phone the other boy was holding in his hand. If he was holding it, why didn’t he answer his calls? But of course he knew exactly why, he just didn’t want to admit it to himself. He watched as Sunwoo unlocked his phone, his eyebrows increasingly frowning as his thumb scrolled down the screen. He locked his phone back with a sigh, bringing a hand to rub at his tired eyes.  _

_ “13 missed calls, Eric? Really? I told you I was seeing that guy.”  _

_ Eric bit his tongue, a pink blush of embarrassment colouring his cheeks. He didn’t realise he had called him that many times, but what was Sunwoo expecting him to do? For Eric to just sit around thinking about him, about HIS Sunwoo, letting mouths that weren’t Eric’s kiss his perfectly plump lips and worse, suck his cock? He audibly groaned, but his thoughts died silently at the back of his throat.  _

_ “I was bored. How was your guy anyway?” _

_ “He can take it well, that’s for sure. Three rounds, and he still asked for more. A good, little cum slut. You should have seen how pretty his teary eyes looked as he gagged on m—“ _

_ Eric brought a hand up to stop him. He had heard enough. He brought his knees to his chest, a simple gesture that made him feel like nothing could get to him, and he faked a yawn. Sunwoo abruptly gasped, making Eric jump on the spot, as he got up to pick up his orange jacket from the floor. Eric’s heart started pumping at a terrifying pace as he realised what Sunwoo was holding in his hands. The black velvet-y box got thrown in Eric’s lap carelessly. Sunwoo gave him his back and removed his jumper. Eric’s eyes kept glancing between the small box and Sunwoo’s muscles tensing under the skin.  _

_ “Don’t get too excited, it’s what you asked for. Try it on”, he slurred as he let his body fall back on his bed, clearly way too drunk to share Eric’s enthusiasm. “Let me know if it doesn’t fit, I’ll get them to adjust it.” _

_ Eric opened his mouth but nothing came out of his parted lips. Two identical rings welcomed him as he opened the box and his heart skipped a few beats. The rings were nothing too fancy, silver and gold delicately shaped in a simple thin circle, but Eric had to use all his willpower not to get up and pin Sunwoo on the wall, kiss him right there until his pretty pink lips were bruised purple. He had to calm down, he thought as he caressed both rings before picking up his one and sliding it on his ring finger with a soft moan. He was so in awe he didn’t even realise Suwoo had already fallen asleep. _

_ A pout of disappointment formed on his lips but he knew he couldn’t fuck up, not now that Sunwoo was clearly starting to see the light. He had gotten him couple rings. On Valentine’s day! Eric had to bite his knuckles to hide the excited giggles escaping his mouth, luckily for him Sunwoo had already switched off the lights. He sighed, a content smile stretched on his face so much it started to hurt.  _

_ “Sunwoo.”  _

_ No answer, just a slurred nonsensical groan. He was passed out. Eric jumped off his bed and made his way towards Sunwoo’s, before propping his knees on the floor with yet another series of giggles. The boy was fast asleep lying stomach down on the mattress, a trace of drool running down his parted lips and Eric just wanted to lick it all off. He sighed instead, focusing his attention on Sunwoo’s pretty motionless hand hanging out of the bed. Eric grabbed Sunwoo’s hand and planted an open mouthed kiss on it, before taking his ring and sliding it on his finger. Sunwoo didn’t move.  _

_ “I do, Sunwoo. I love you too.” _

_ \--- _

Sunwoo pushes Eric’s hand away from his face, an unknown insufferable feeling filling up his lungs like water and making it hard to breathe. He remembers how much Eric had always wanted some sort of matching piece of jewelry to _show everyone_ _how close they were_ , so Sunwoo had obliged without too much thinking. He thought he could make him happy, make him stop moaning about Sunwoo not caring enough about their friendship to openly wear it on his sleeve. Was there a chance Eric could have misinterpreted his gesture? The way the other boy brings his abused hand to his heart in dramatic disbelief only confirms his own dumb thoughts. 

“You know…” Eric hums in a dreamy tone. “I’ve always liked how tight it feels around me.”

Sunwoo watches in horror as Eric goes back to playing with his ring, slowly sliding it off and back on his finger in a slow tedious motion, an obscene soft moan leaving his mouth every time the piece of metal clashes against his knuckles and he has to forcibly push it back into place.

“Have you lost your fucking mind?” Sunwoo manages to breathe out, Eric’s moans echoing in his head and progressively driving him close to insanity. He feels like he’s in a dream. He must be in a dream, there’s no other possible explanation for Eric’s absurd behaviour. “Stop it.  _ Please, _ Eric. Please. I need you to stop this bullshit now.”

Eric slowly shakes his head stubbornly and Sunwoo feels like he’s lost him for good. Eric is having way too much fun putting up his little show whilst Sunwoo on the other side, he just wishes for everything to stop. The person in front of him is not Eric anymore. The voice he’s speaking with is not his, the lust filling his eyes as he hungrily stares at Sunwoo’s lips doesn’t belong with him. Sunwoo wants his best friend back, before he falls to his knees and eventually throws up. He brings both hands to his eyes to rub them as pure agony swallows him whole, fingers digging hard at his closed eyelids. He doesn’t want to see him anymore. 

“I want answers,'' Eric gently whispers and he’s way too close to Sunwoo now, the warmth of his breath on the exposed skin of his neck making him jump out of his head and off the bed, moving as far away from Eric as he can. 

“Why did you propose to me, Sunwoo?”

Sunwoo’s jaw drops. He tries to register what he just heard but his blurred mind doesn’t allow him, sending cold chills all over his body instead. He shivers. Sunwoo is scared. He looks back at the stranger who’s now standing up, slow steps bringing him way too close to Sunwoo, hands gently pushing at his chest and cornering against the wall behind him. Sunwoo struggles to breathe out his answer, words coming out of his mouth in a panicked tone he doesn’t recognise as his own.

“ _ Propose _ ? I gave you those damn rings so you would finally stop moaning about me not giving a fuck about you!” He pushes at Eric’s shoulders in the attempt to make him back up, his hands grabbing at the fabric of the boy’s hoodie to keep him from trying to get closer. “You’re out of your mind if you think I will ever see you as more than just a friend.”

Eric nods in mocking understanding, making it clear to Sunwoo that no matter what he says, Eric is not gonna believe a single word of it. 

“Well, it’s a shame.” Eric hums as he brings his hand to cup Sunwoo’s face. His grip is not as gentle as his words are. He takes advantage of Sunwoo’s disorientated state and easily has him tilt his head to the side, earning access to his ear before eagerly lapping at the skin behind it. “Because I’ve already said yes.”

Sunwoo shivers at the touch, distress quickly filling his whole body. His mind has gone blind and he can’t think anymore. Something switches in him and he watches as his own body moves without his brain needing to send it any command. He strengthens his grasp on Eric’s shoulders and flips their positions, slamming the boy against the wall, his face tumultuously hitting the concrete. Sunwoo grabs him by his nape, chest pressed against his back, and moves his head to the side so that his cheekbone is now resting on the wall.

“You’re sick. You make me sick.”

“Maybe.” he admits, giving Sunwoo one of his own half grins. Eric’s face is already badly scraped, but that doesn’t stop him from voluntarily rubbing it on the rough surface as he speaks. “But I bet I can make you hard, too.”

Sunwoo doesn’t have time to register those words. 

Eric pushes his hips back in an abrupt motion and presses his ass on Sunwoo’s crotch, before rubbing himself on his clothed soft cock. The vulgar moan that leaves Eric’s open mouth at the mere contact makes Sunwoo’s jaw drop in shock once again. 

The room is suddenly spinning around him and Sunwoo’s whole being is following the motion. He loosely feels his own mind give up on him and go entirely blank, coherent thoughts abandoning him at once. Eric keeps pressing himself against him, hips pushing back at a faster pace, and Sunwoo is still unable to move. His hold on Eric’s neck involuntarily tightens, making the boy cry out in pleasure. 

“I can feel your anger.” Eric’s dull voice reaches him from a place that feels far away and Sunwoo’s mind surrenders. His heavy head falls forward and before he can do anything about it his cold-sweats covered forehead is resting on Eric’s shoulder. “It’s okay, my love. Take it out on me.”

Sunwoo hears him clearly this time. Every single word hits him like a brick in the face and his whole body shivers. It’s okay, my love. Take it out on me,  _ my love _ . Sunwoo’s stomach ties in a tight knot, Eric’s aggressive love bringing him close to gag. He breathes heavily on his shoulders, open dry lips rubbing against the soft fabric of his hoodie. Eric whispers gentle words he can’t hear anymore, as Sunwoo frantically searches his face looking for something,  _ anything _ that can prove to him his best friend is still there. His best friend who’s now pinned against the wall of their shared apartment, palms spread open on the concrete and lust-filled eyes. Sunwoo finds nothing. That’s not his best friend, that’s a stranger.

“Don’t call me that”, he breathes out against his clothed shoulder. “Don’t you fucking call me that, Eric.”

He hopes saying his name out loud is gonna make a difference, help him identify who is the boy who’s now peppering soft kisses on his forehead, but it doesn’t work. Eric is not there anymore and Sunwoo wants to repeatedly smash his face against the wall, desperately wanting to get rid of the delusion darkening Eric’s gentle traits, to see his timid eyes one last time. 

What he gets from his pathetic failed attempt is insufferable fury. An intolerable need for revenge fills his body as a rush of blood rises straight to his head. Sunwoo wants to destroy him. He needs to pull him down from the ceiling and bring him back to earth, bring him back to  _ what _ he was before. He wants to wipe away the terrifying facade he’s put on to playfully ruin Sunwoo’s life. Sunwoo wants to make Eric cry his eyes out. He wants to give him what he wants for the first and last time, make him regret it and dump his soulless body on the floor like he matters nothing. 

They’re done. Thorough. But not before Eric fully realises it.

\---

Before he knows it he’s flipping Eric over, the boy’s giggles breaking into a million pieces as the back of his head hits the wall. The pain only seems to excite him more, hungry eyes glued to Sunwoo’s lips as he slowly licks his own in anticipation. Sunwoo can’t take it anymore. 

“Look at me. Look at me _ ,  _ Eric.” He grabs his face, fingers digging deep in the soft skin of his cheeks. Sunwoo hopes they’ll bruise. “You’re delusional.”

Their faces are too close, their breathing heavy. Eric reaches for Sunwoo’s wrist and pulls down a few times, eager to be able to speak and most likely to bite back. Sunwoo loosens his clutch on Eric’s abused cheeks just enough to allow him. Eric’s lips curve down for a split second, a glimpse of puzzled confusion transitions on his face before he slowly rolls his eyes in fake annoyance. Sunwoo can feel his heart fracture.

“I’m not. You love me,” he hums, mockingly shaking his head as if nothing happened. His eyes refuse to stay locked with Sunwoo’s, they glance down instead, tongue clicking as they land on his own already clothed hard cock. “And you’re too close.”

Sunwoo’s gaze follows, and his shattered heart is racing so fast he fears it’s gonna break free through his rib cage. 

“Quiet,” Sunwoo manages to calmly breathe out. “You need help, Eric. Let  me help you.”

His hands move fast. Before he knows it he’s holding both of Eric’s wrists in one hand and pulling them hastily above his head, his free hand grabbing at his waist underneath the hoodie. Sunwoo’s fingers harshly dig into his hip bones as he pulls him closer and skillfully rolls his own hips against Eric’s hard cock. 

Eric whines impossibly loud as he frantically rocks his hips in a circular motion to meet Sunwoo’s own, already desperate for more friction. The look on his face is of bliss and Sunwoo thinks that something’s still missing. His open palm pushes at Eric’s arched back so that their bodies are pressed together. He pushes one of his muscular thighs in between Eric’s own and it doesn’t take long for the boy to shamelessly start grinding on it. Sunwoo can progressively feel himself getting hard too as Eric’s needy whimpers fly straight to his groin, and his clothed hard cock presses firmly against his leg. 

Eric’s silk blond hair is damp, drops of sweat menacing to fall down its ends and land into his eyes. Sunwoo doesn’t need him blinded, he needs him to believe him. 

He abandons his wrists and brings a hand to push the wet strands off Eric’s feverish forehead, the sudden gentle touch having him softly whimper and slow down the motion of his hips. He opens his mouth, but before he can say a word Sunwoo tangles his fingers into his locks and grasps at it, abruptly pushing his head back so that it clashes against the wall once again. 

Eric winces in pain this time. He looks down at Sunwoo with heavy lidded eyes, his deep breaths the only sound echoing in their room. Sunwoo leans dangerously close to his mouth and Eric instinctively reaches for his lips like a hungry animal, only to be put back in his place. Sunwoo’s hold is still tight in his hair as he leans in again. This time he breathes straight into Eric’s mouth, having the boy instantly moan back into his own. Sunwoo captures his bottom lip in between his teeth and gently laps at it, before sinking them deep into the soft skin, tearing it apart without any forewarning. 

A silent scream dies at the back of Eric’s throat as blinding pain hits him and tears start prickling at the corner of his eyes. Sunwoo can feel his own cock grow harder at the mere view. He needs him vulnerable. He needs him to believe him. Sunwoo swallows Eric’s blood and it tastes like courage. He lets his hair go and gets a hold of Eric’s hand making sure to gently squeeze it, before pressing it open palmed against his now half-hard cock. 

“I thought you wanted me”, Sunwoo leans in once again, this time to whisper into the boy’s ear. “Isn’t this  _ how  _ you wanted me?” 

Eric's whole body shivers against Sunwoo’s and he can only nods frantically, his hand palming him over his clothes still carefully guided by Sunwoo’s own. Sunwoo softly laps and sucks at the sensitive skin behind Eric’s ear and forces out a moan, having the boy almost fall on his knees. 

“Sunwoo, wait,” Eric softly pushes at his chest so he can look at him, and the view that welcomes Sunwoo is just heavenly. Eric’s cheeks are flushed with a lovely shade of pink, his eyes filled with tears of happiness and his abused bottom lip trembling. He blinks, confusion written all over his face, and tears fall down his eyelashes. Sunwoo can hear Eric’s heart beating fast against his chest. “Say it.  _ Please _ , say you love me too.”

Sunwoo forces a smile and gives him no answer. He leaves Eric’s hands to work on him and cups his face, leaning in one last time before pressing his plush lips against Eric’s swollen ones. Sunwoo finds it weird how their lips slot perfectly together despite Eric’s clumsy eagerness. He pulls at his lip with his teeth one more time before giving it soft kitten licks. Eric’s whole body quivers in Sunwoo’s hands as he moans into his mouth and desperately tries to deepen the kiss. 

Sunwoo pulls slightly at his jaw and Eric’s mouth promptly falls open, letting Sunwoo’s warm tongue slide into it. It’s a weird feeling, Sunwoo thinks as he tastes Eric’s mouth for the first time. He uses his thumbs to tilt Eric’s head to both sides so he can gain better access as the boy  _ sobs _ into his mouth. Eric is crying. Sunwoo pulls away, openly laughing at the way Eric practically chases his lips. It’s Sunwoo’s turn to shake his head, now. 

“Open.” 

Eric is flustered and he looks like he can barely hold himself up, spent by just one quick kiss with his lover. Their  _ first _ kiss. Too bad Eric didn’t know it was gonna be the last one, too. He stares at him in genuine reverence and a stream of excited giggles leaves his mouth as he notices that Sunwoo is now fully hard under his palms. His hands roam free under Sunwoo’s shirt, moaning as he gets to feel the muscles tense under his own fingers. Eric leans in for another kiss as he eagerly pulls at the elastic of Sunwoo’s sweatpants, but Sunwoo pushes his hand away. 

Eric looks at him in utter confusion, rejection painting his cheekbones with an even darker shade of embarrassment. Sunwoo enjoys it a bit too much and holds back a tender laugh as his thumb flicks Eric’s bottom lip. 

“No touching. Open your mouth, Eric.”

Eric’s mouth falls open at the command, his arms now hanging useless by his side. Sunwoo slips three fingers in Eric’s mouth and presses hard on his tongue, earning a coughy gag. 

“Cute”, he hums. Eric pouts and Sunwoo swears he has seen the same exact innocent pout soften his best friend’s face countless times in the past. He pushes his unbearable need for victory to the back of his head. “Now suck. And no touching.”

Eric whines in agony as Sunwoo once again pushes his hands away from his body, but he obliges. His tongue swirls around the digits, sloppily coating them in saliva. Sunwoo watches him closely as he palms his own cock, fingers harshly pushing at the back of Eric’s throat every time the boy moans around them, sending vibrations all over Sunwoo’s body. 

His fingers keep pressing at the back of Eric’s throat until the boy’s desperately gagging, fresh tears spilling out of his eyes and drool running down his chin. Only then he pulls them out. Eric whines at the sudden lack of warmth and falls to his knees, eager hands pulling at Sunwoo’s sweatpants clashing with a silent timid request in his eyes. This time Sunwoo lets him. 

His hard cock is pressing against the soft fabric of his black underwear, precum leaking through the thin material. Eric looks up at him, cold shaky fingers tangled in the elastic of Sunwoo’s underwear. 

“Let me suck you off Sunwoo,” he begins to beg, and Sunwoo thinks he looks adorable. Tears are still spilling out of his eyes and his heated up face is covered in his own drool. “Please let me! I know I can make you feel good,  _ my love _ .”

Those cursed words immediately send cold chills all over Sunwoo’s body, reminding him exactly of why Eric doesn’t deserve it. Reminding him of what he’s supposed to be doing to him. He pushes down on his head and grabs his hair, having him rub his face against his leaking clothed cock instead. Eric takes it, Sunwoo believes he would take anything in his confused state. The boy opens his mouth and traces the whole length of Sunwoo’s cock with his lips, from the base to the tip, until his lips close on it, tongue teasing through the fabric of the underwear. Sunwoo involuntarily pushes his head back and a groan escapes his mouth, his grip on Eric’s hair strengthening as he pushes the boy’s warm open mouth on his tip a few more times before tossing him on the floor. 

Eric’s winces at the sudden gesture, teary eyes widen as he looks up at Sunwoo from the floor where he left him, limbs scattered all over the place. Sunwoo guesses by the way Eric massages the back of his head that he must have hit it on the floor. He almost feels bad for a split second, before Eric quickly gets back up on his knees and crawls on the floor to hug his legs. He rubs his wet face on his thighs, murmuring words Sunwoo can’t hear. 

“Lost your voice all of a sudden, Eric? Speak up, I can’t hear you.”

“I said…” Eric whispers, voice muffled by the way his lips keep incessantly pressing soft kisses on the inside of Sunwoo’s parted legs. “I said we can do it rough, if that’s what you want. That’s not how I had imagined our first time to be, I wanted you to make love to me, but it’s okay because now you know you lo—”

“Get up.” Sunwoo doesn’t let him finish, scared of what the anger devouring and burning his whole being could make him do to him. “Get up. Turn around. Hands on the wall.”

Eric looks lost, but he picks himself up regardless and stumbles to the wall, palms against the concrete and legs spread open. Sunwoo didn’t even have to explain himself further he thinks as he follows him. He pushes down on Eric’s back and the boy almost falls flat on his face. 

“Careful. You don’t want to  _ hurt yourself _ , do you?” He mocks him, but Eric is too busy desperately pushing his hips back trying to meet Sunwoo’s cock to pay the necessary attention. “Your pants. And your underwear. Take them off.” 

Eric immediately obliges, unbuckling his belt and unzipping his tight black leather pants. He pushes them down to his ankles and clumsily gets out of it, throwing them on the floor behind him. Pastel blue underwear follow. Sunwoo feels his cock slightly twitch at the sight of Eric’s bare ass in front of him. He licks his lips in unconscious anticipation as he pulls his own underwear down just enough for his fully hard cock to slam back against his toned stomach. Eric’s head turns to the side at the sound, eyes glued to Sunwoo’s erection, mouth watering. 

Sunwoo holds back a groan at the sight because maybe he wishes to feel Eric warm needy mouth wrapped against his cock, just for a few seconds. Look at him as he gags on his length, lips stretched out and more tears streaming down his face. But he knows he can’t allow himself to. Not after what Eric has already done to him. 

He positions himself behind Eric and pushes his head back to face the wall. Maybe a bit too harshly as Eric once again hits the already blood-stained concrete. He spreads his ass cheeks apart and teases at his entrance with the tip of his cock, smiling at the way Eric gasps at the sudden contact. Sunwoo can hear him hold his breath in anticipation as he backs up and brings his own fingers to his mouth to coat them with saliva. 

“Sunwoo! Sunwoo, please,” Eric whines and Sunwoo thinks he looks pretty all spread out for him, soft thighs parted and his oversized black hoodie still on. “Fuck me. I’m ready, you don’t even need to wear a condom, I’m clean, I—”

The rest of his words die in his throat as Sunwoo abruptly pushes a finger into his hole, knuckle deep. He wiggles it just enough to let Eric adjust to it, before pulling it out and slamming it back inside him. Eric gasps at the sudden stretch, his legs already shaking and his hands close to failing to support his body. Sunwoo notices and grabs him by his stomach, chest presses on his back. He can feel Eric’s whole body quiver underneath him, soft needy moans starting to fill the room again. When he decides Eric is stable enough, Sunwoo adds two more fingers and starts thrusting them harshly in and out of Eric’s hole at a faster pace, curling them in the process and making him scream and beg nonsense. 

It’s when Eric starts to shamelessly fuck himself on his fingers, ass pushing back to meet his hands and obscene curses leaving his mouth, that Sunwoo decides it’s enough. He pulls his digits out, smiling at the way Eric’s hole clenches around nothing. The boy whines at the sudden emptiness, hands going straight at his neglected leaking cock. He starts to jerk himself off but Sunwoo is quick to stop him from pleasuring himself. He pushes his hand off once again and Eric doesn’t have time to protest, because Sunwoo has pulled himself up and he’s standing behind him, lazily jerking himself off. 

“S-Sunwoo,  _ please _ ! I can’t take it anymore, I… I need you to fuck me, please!”

“You’re impatient.” Sunwoo hums, the swollen tip of his cock now teasing at Eric’s already abused entrance. “I thought you wanted to  _ make love _ .” He hollows his checks and gathers enough saliva in his mouth, before leaning over Eric’s hole and letting a trail of spit slowly fall around the rim. 

Eric shivers at the warm substance that’s now being rubbed all over his entrance and in and out of his twitching hole with ease. “It doesn’t matter,” he says, voice muffled by the wall kissing his mouth. He sounds happy, Sunwoo thinks, almost dreamy again, but there’s a trace of genuine hope in his tone this time. “Nothing matters if it’s with you.”

Sunwoo has had enough of Eric delusional bullshit, so he coats his own cock in spit too, before spreading the boy’s ass cheeks apart and positioning the leaking tip to his entrance. Eric shivers again and Sunwoo believes he’s about to say something, but whatever he really can’t bring himself to care. He grabs him by his hips, fingers digging hard at the already bruised skin, and pushes the tip in. He pauses, leaving Eric in anticipation. It’s not long until Sunwoo abruptly slams the rest of his cock into Eric’s abused hole, earning an audible gasp from him. 

Sunwoo continues to slowly pull out and slam back in at an agonising pace, enjoying the way Eric already begs for him to fuck him faster. A high-pitched moan escapes Eric’s mouth and breaks into a million pieces as Sunwoo’s pace goes from extremely slow to extremely fast. Sunwoo lets anger get the best of him as he thrusts into Eric as harshly as he can, repressed hate and betrayal filling up his whole body. Eric begs for Sunwoo to turn him around and let him look at him,  _ just for a second Sunwoo, I just wanna see what you look like as you fuck me open,  _ but Sunwoo can barely hear him over the sound of his own throaty moans. 

Eric grows progressively tighter around him and Sunwoo keeps thrusting, alternatively pushing his hips back to have him grind on him instead. Their heavy breaths, moans and the clashing of skin slamming hard against skin are the only sounds reverberating in the room. Eric cries in pleasure but Sunwoo can barely hear him as his orgasm builds up. He starts to fuck into Eric faster and faster, selfishly chasing his own high. It doesn’t take long for him to come with a final thrust, filling Eric up. 

He slowly pulls out and tries to catch his breath. Adrenaline still fills his body and it takes him a few seconds to realise the extent of his actions. Eric has finally collapsed on the floor and Sunwoo thinks he looks so small and harmless in his oversized hoodie, with his naked tights pushed against his chest, cum still dripping out of his hole. 

Eric didn’t get the chance to cum, but he doesn’t seem to manage to look upset. His bruised lips curve into a gentle smile as he sniffles, wiping away tears, blood and drool off his face. He effortly picks himself up and his small hands half-covered by the sleeve of his hoodie reach for Sunwoo, who’s giving him his back and is already fully dressed. 

“Sunwoo…”

Sunwoo doesn’t turn around. He lets out a heavy breath instead, as he wipes his own tears off his face. Tears that won’t seem to stop falling, no matter how hard he tries to convince himself this was only supposed to make him feel better. His shoulders keep shaking as he sobs into his palm, teeth biting down on the soft skin leaving marks behind.

“Sunwoo? Come here, please. I want to cuddle.”

Sunwoo finally turns around, and Eric’s lips part in shock at the view. He hurries to stand up, stumbles on his way to his lover, the need to wrap his arms around him and comfort him visibly unbearable. He reaches out again, and Sunwoo’s skin burns at the contact. 

“Don’t.”

He swats Eric’s hand away, turns his back on him and heads straight for the door. 

**Author's Note:**

> if you made it this far, please let me know your thoughts!
> 
> [my twt](https://twitter.com/svnwooxx), [my cc](https://curiouscat.qa/NBKANGEL00/post/1182836953), don't be shy <3


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